Back in the Saddle: The French Mistake
by Dr. Sexy M.D
Summary: Part IV  and final part  in the Back in the Saddle Series. Follows the events of "The French Mistake" but adds A LOT more! The brothers are finally able to work things out! See warnings inside...ends sappy!


Title: Back in the Saddle: The French Mistake (Part IV in the Back in the Saddle Series)

Pairings: Sam/Dean

Rating: M for language and wincesty goodness!

Summary: Takes places during Season 6 episode "The French Mistake" but adds A LOT more. This is the final part of this series and therefore things are finally resolved between the brothers.

Warnings: M/M, Rimming, Implied Rape/Non-Con, hurt!Dean, hurt!Sammy

A/N: This is the final installment in this series. They are finally able to fix things, but it takes a while. I hope you enjoy this! It gets rather sappy at the end, but a lot of bad shit has happened between them and to them, so it just felt right to end on a really sappy note. Hope you like it! Please leave feedback and let me know what you think.

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><p>Back in the Saddle: The French Mistake<p>

(Part IV in the Back in the Saddle Series)

Sam woke up in a daze. His heart was beating fast and something felt urgent, but he wasn't sure what it was, until he heard the helpless sounds coming from the beautiful man in bed beside him.

Dean was groaning loudly…painfully…and begging, "Please, please Sam, stop it. Please don't hurt me. Please Sammy."

Oh God. It was the worst thing Sam had ever seen in his life and he'd seen a lot of crap. Tears immediately sprang to his eyes. "Shhh." He whispered, reaching out to wrap his arms protectively around his brother. He hoped that touching him wouldn't make it worse, but he had to do something. He couldn't just lay there and listen to that. "Dean, Dean, wake up. It's okay baby, I'm right here. Not going anywhere, not gonna hurt you."

Dean, still asleep, slid farther away from him, barely managing to keep himself on the bed.

Sam slid closer to him and reached out to touch him, bring him closer, to keep him from falling off the bed. He wrapped his arm around his brother's chest and began to pull him back; his hand landing against Dean's fluttering heart. That's when it happened. Sam froze, going completely still, and the memories flooded him like a tidal wave. Suddenly it all made complete sense to him. He had been suspecting that he had hurt Dean, but he hadn't ever expected that he had hurt him this badly…nothing could've ever prepared him for the guilt and helplessness that overcame him in that moment.

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><p>Sam had been possessed by Lucifer. Dean had been a hellhound's chew toy. They had both been to hell. They had also both been to the past. Dean had been to the past and the future. To summarize, the Winchesters had seen a whole lot of weird-ass shit in their tenure as hunters, but nothing, NOTHING, was as weird as what happened to them next.<p>

They had no idea what to expect when Balthazar dropped in at Bobby's and began gathering things for a spell. He started talking about the Godfather and relating it to their situation and then…before they even knew what was happening they were jumping through Bobby's window and into a parallel universe.

It didn't take them very long at all to realize that something was dramatically wrong. This was not the world that they were from – this was a really crazy place where they were Jared Padalecki and Jensen Ackles and they were the actors who played themselves on a television show. How radical is that?

Even Castiel…who they ran into on the set wearing his famous trench coat…wasn't really Cass. He was some goofy guy named Misha Collins.

"Misha? Jensen?" Dean said with irritation evident in his voice, "what's up with the names around here?"

From behind them, as they were walking away from Misha, they heard him say, "You guys…you really punked me!" He threw his script at them and totally missed his target.

Jensen turned around and looked at the paper falling onto the ground.

Misha reached into the pocket of that aforementioned trench coat and pulled out his cell phone, "I'm totally going to tweet this one!" He went on, but Sam and Dean had walked out of earshot and honestly couldn't care less about what Misha was going to tweet to his Mishamigos!

They walked by Jensen's trailer and Sam pointed to it. Realizing that Dean could consider it his, temporarily anyway, they went inside and looked around. That's when they discovered the Supernatural magazine and the fact that Jensen had once been on a soap opera. The whole thing made Dean feel like he was back in hell…only worse.

Sam was pretty amused by the revelations of Jensen's life. The brother part of their relationship still remained mostly intact, and therefore he found it funny to torture Dean a little bit from time to time.

Dean slammed the laptop shut, "I don't like this universe, Sammy. We need to get out of this universe."

"Yeah, no argument here." Sam said in agreement. "But, I don't think our prayers are reaching Cass…err the real Cass."

"No, I think we are definitely out of soul-phone range, but…" He picks up a writing pad and a pen.

"What?" Sam asked.

"If we can reverse Balthazar's spell…" He began to draw onto the paper, "I watched every move. We just uh…get the ingredients, right…get back to that same window, and…" He held up the paper with the symbol on it that had been on the window when they jumped through the first time, "there's no place like home."

Sam nodded, "Yeah, good idea. We should go back to Bobby's house…err well, the set of his house anyway…and see if we can find all those ingredients that he used."

Dean nodded. He moved quickly to his brother, pretty much pushing him towards the door of the trailer. Sam stopped, pushing his ass backwards a little bit, letting it hit Dean squarely in the groin. Dean drew in a sharp breath.

"Or, we could just hang here for a little while."

Dean's hand had involuntarily hooked on to his brother's hip and without even realizing he was doing it, he had begun to move against that perky ass of his.

Sam sighed, "Yes, let's stay here a while, Dean. Feel so good like that…love you like this."

Dean loved that Sam was such a slut for his cock and everything, but was he ready for this? Things were better, he had to admit that, but it didn't seem like they were completely back to the way they were before. But, maybe he had to face the reality that maybe they would never be exactly the same…maybe Dean had forever been changed because of what happened to him. Maybe Dean would somehow always feel like he deserved the pain, maybe he would never be able to give Sam what it was that he wanted so badly…especially since it would feel so insanely good.

Sam was starting to understand the internal conflicts that were waging wars in Dean's head. He wanted to help his brother along to the decision that would truly make them both happy, so he ground his hips backwards, forcing his ass to press even more tightly against Dean's growing erection. "Hmmmm. You're getting hard for me, Dean. You know you want it too."

Dean sighed. Why did his body have to betray him like that? "I don't think—"

Sam cut him off. "That's your problem, Dean, you think too much. It's not like we've never done this before. And, you know that I've got my soul back…and I love you…why not just do what feels good? I'm not going to turn it around on you. I'm not going to do anything to hurt you, Dean, not anymore. We've been through this. Why won't you trust me?"

Dean groaned, "That's not what it's about, Sam…"

"Then what is it about? You've gotten to the point where you feel like pain is all you deserve, pain in normal, pain makes you feel like you're alive. I get that, I really do. But, sometimes we need pleasure too. Sometimes we need to do things that scare us, sometimes we have to go out on a limb and put ourselves out there in order to find a little bit of happiness." He pressed back and forth against his brother's tenting pants a few more times, earning breathy moans and little purring noises. He loved his brother's noises; he loved it when Dean felt good. That's all he wanted to do, make Dean feel good, but he also wanted to feel good himself. He wanted Dean to take care of him for a change, show him that he still loved him. "Please Dean; I'll do all the work. All you'll have to do is sit there. I'll ride you…please?" Sam had never had to resort to begging like this, it was sick and twisted…all things considered.

Dean felt tears welling up in his eyes. He wanted to make Sam happy, he wanted to make his brother feel good, but things just didn't feel right. He didn't trust himself, he was in too much pain, he didn't want to be overcome with emotions or let something slip that he shouldn't. He'd rather just be dominated; he'd rather just stick with the familiar. "No. Not yet, Sam. I'm sorry."

Sam was feeling tears come to his own eyes, but for a much different reason. His brother didn't love him anymore…he was sure of it.

So, instead of Dean making love to Sam the way Sam so desperately wanted and needed, they ended up dropping the situation entirely and headed back to the set of Bobby's house so that they could search for the ingredients they would need for the spell.

They were disheartened to find out that everything was fake; the backbone of the lesser saint, their knives and guns…all of it…fake. Even the walls of Bobby's house weren't real…nothing in that world was real. And then….to top it all off…the Impala wasn't real either…it too was just for the show. So, Sam and Dean were forced to hitch a ride back to Jared's house from their bodyguard…their bodyguard. Sam and Dean Winchester didn't need a fucking bodyguard.

"You know where abouts you want me to drop you off? Jensen?"

It took Dean a second to realize that the man was talking to him, "Me. Yes, uh…I'll just tag along with…"

"Jared."

"Jared here." Dean finished.

"Since when are you guys talking?" The older man asked.

Huh? Didn't Jared and Jensen ever talk to each other?

"Yeah, uh, you know what Clint…?" Sam started

"Cliff."

"Yeah, yeah, of course…Cliff…obviously." Sam said. "Um, uh, I think we're gonna go back to my place and do some…"

They looked back and forth at each other. What were they going to do anyway? It wasn't like Dean was going to give Sam what he wanted, but Sam wasn't counting out the possibility of some foreplay or something.

"Work on our acting." Dean said, trying to sound casual and convincing, but failing miserably.

"Yup." Sam said in agreement.

"For our characters. For the show."

"Yeah."

"Alright." Cliff said with a chuckle.

"Where the hell are we anyway?" Dean wanted to know. Driving beneath the maple leaf answered his question almost momentarily. He inwardly groaned, "Dude, we're not even in America." Dean had no patience with this world at all. The things he was learning about this Jensen character didn't mesh with the way he saw himself and he wasn't about to start liking it.

They got to Jared's ginormous mansion and walked inside. The place was enormous and it even had a tanning bed right in the front room…along with leather couches, a pool table, statues and all kinds of other insane things. 'Sheesh.' Dean thought to himself. He was, however, satisfied with the wet bar that was also in the room.

They heard some kind of weird sound coming from the back yard and Dean looked outside. He turned back to look at Sam, "Dude, you have a camel in your back yard."

From the top of the stairs, Genevieve said "It's an alpaca, dumbass."

They both turned to look at her, in surprise. "Ruby." Dean muttered, his eyes widening.

She walked down the stairs with a sigh, "Ruby, right, cause that one never gets old. How was work today hun?" She asked, kissing Sam on the lips. Sam was completely awkward and uncomfortable kissing her after everything that had happened with Ruby and the fact that his brother – who he was currently trying to get his relationship back on good terms with – was standing right behind him, watching the whole thing.

So, after a bunch of questions and really awkward conversation, Sam and Dean discovered that this wasn't Ruby, but the actress who played her on the show and that she was in Jared's house because they were married.

"You married fake Ruby?" Dean exclaimed.

Sam was confused and scared…and he just wanted to get Dean alone to show him how much he loved him.

"What are you doing?" She asked.

"Work!" Sam exclaimed, nervously, "Work."

"Yeah, just thought I'd pop in and say hey…hey. Uh, uh, and maybe run some lines." Dean added.

"You've never even been to our house." She said.

"Well, now that I know there's an alpaca out back, I'm definitely coming back." Dean said, playing around.

She nodded, "Well, alpacas are the greenest animal."

Dean nodded, "Right, right. That is so important."

She left to go to some Otter adoption charity thingy that made Dean's head spin to think about it, and gave Sam another kiss goodbye. Dean looked away, very uncomfortable to be seeing that…and not really very happy, if he was being honest with himself. Then she left and they were alone once again.

"Well, it looks like you did alright." Dean commented as they watched her leave.

"Yeah." Sam said in agreement. She was pretty hot; even he had to admit that. Didn't change how he felt about Dean though. "I should figure out her name." That was a novel idea.

They went in to Jared's study and got on computers so that they could order the ingredients for the spell that they needed. They were very thankful that their counterparts were rich television stars with high credit limits. They had everything overnighted so that the parts would be there the next day and they could get the show on the road.

Dean decided he was tired and was going to get some sleep on the couch, leaving Sam to roll his eyes in response. He had hoped to be able to get a little bit of fooling around in before his 'wife' got home, but it didn't seem like that was going to happen.

Dean was sprawled out on the leather couch and Sam went to him, kneeling down beside the couch and smiling at Dean, "Come on Dean, get up."

"No." Dean said, closing his eyes and pretending to sleep.

"I know you're not asleep yet, Dean."

"Well, I'm trying."

"You upset because of Ruby…well, the actress who plays her?" He reached up to rub at Dean's chest, "look, just because Jared is married to her, doesn't mean that I feel anything for her."

Dean just huffed a little in response.

Sam bent down and kissed Dean on the lips, "gonna miss sleeping with you tonight, Dean."

Dean sighed and popped his left eye open. He reached over and pulled on Sam's shirt, bringing him closer so that he could kiss him again, "miss you too, Sammy."

"We'll get this mess sorted out and get home soon, you'll see. We'll get things back to normal."

Dean wondered if Sam was referring to the situation they were in or their relationship or both.

"Sorry about earlier, Sam." Dean said. It pained him to have to say that, but it was true and he wanted Sam to know it.

"It's alright, Dean. We just need to take some time to work on this is all." He kissed Dean one last time, his tongue running over the middle of Dean's bottle lip, until his lips parted and they deepened the kiss. The kiss quickly turned needy and breathy and perfect. Sam pulled Dean up to a seated position, moving between Dean's open thighs, so that they could get to each other easier.

Dean sighed right into Sam's mouth.

Sam pulled back and bent his head down to suck at the skin below Dean's earlobe. "Hmm, love you Dean. Love the way you feel against me."

Dean purred…he actually purred. Sam was starting to break down those walls again, starting to get him where he wanted him. Dean knew it wouldn't be long until Sam had him sliding his throbbing cock into his ass. His voice came out husky when he said, "Love you too Sammy."

Sam didn't know how much time they had, so he wanted to be quick, but he wanted to leave Dean with a lasting impression for the night, so he reached out and worked his hands at Dean's belt and fly. Once his pants were open, he reached his hand into Dean's boxer-briefs and pulled out his weeping cock. "Hmmm, so gorgeous."

Dean grew instantly embarrassed. He wanted to shy away, but Sam wouldn't let him. Instead, Sam bent down and wrapped his lips around the head of Dean's dick, his tongue reaching out to collect the precome that was oozing from the slit. He moaned around Dean, causing Dean to feel the vibrations against his hardness.

"Shit." Dean whimpered.

Sam smiled, despite the fact that his mouth was right full of cock, and slipped it in deeper.

Dean's hand reached out to twist into Sam's hair, forcing him deeper.

Sam pulled off for a second, "Yeah Dean, fuck my mouth." He begged.

Dean groaned and slipped his cock back into Sam's mouth. Sam opened his throat up wide, letting Dean use him a little bit. Dean was pretty gentle though, as he slipped his cock all the way in to the base, the head hitting the back of Sam's throat. Sam hummed and moaned around it and Dean just held onto Sam's hair, riding his mouth, his head tipped back and in pure ecstasy.

"Uh Sammy, gonna….shittttt….gonna come baby." He tried to pull out of Sam's mouth, but Sam just clamped his throat down around Dean's cock, choking a little, but milking every drop of come from him.

Sam swallowed and continued to lick him up and down, cleaning him thoroughly, until Dean was limp, spent and breathing hard.

"Did you like that, Dean?" Sam asked with a smile.

"It was…ngh!"

"That good, huh?"

"Shit, yeah." Dean muttered.

Sam smiled and leaned in to kiss his brother. Dean could taste his own come on Sam's mouth but it only served to make him feel happier…more loved somehow.

"See Dean, nothing to get upset about. You just fucked my mouth, Dean, and nothing bad happened. You fucked me. But, next time that's going to be my ass that's clenching around you and milking you dry." Sam's hands slid up Dean's thighs and rested on his spent cock. "You can't even pretend that you don't want it."

Dean just groaned a little, hating it when he let Sam win.

"Fucking love you, you stubborn ass." Sam said, kissing him sweetly once again.

Dean laughed, "Love you too. Now, do you mind if I sleep?"

Sam laughed. He wasn't at all concerned about himself getting off; he just wanted to prove to Dean that it could be pleasurable and that everything would be alright. He didn't mind jacking off, because he knew he'd have great things to keep his thoughts occupied. "Sure Dean."

But Dean didn't just lay back down and go to sleep. Instead, he reached out and cupped Sam's hardness through his jeans.

Sam moaned and began to unhook his pants, wanting Dean to touch him.

Dean pulled out Sam's enormous cock and quickly began to stroke him, nervous that they would get caught. "You're so big and hard, Sammy."

Sam smiled, "Yeah Dean, love it when you touch me."

Dean jacked him up and down his shaft, his thumb rubbing all around the head and collecting the generous amount of precome that was dribbling out, bringing Sam to completion in record time. When Sam was right there, Dean bent down and wrapped his lips around the head of Sam's cock so that he could take Sam's spunk into his mouth, swallowing it all down. Dean wasn't a real big come guzzler like Sam was, but he wanted to show Sam how much he love him and he didn't want him to get anything dirty.

"God, that was hot. You okay, Dean? Not gonna gag on me, are you?" Sam asked. The first couple of times he'd swallowed come had been difficult for him, but he had come to really love it.

Dean forced it down the back of his throat, willing himself not to gag, "Nah, I'm tough, Sammy."

Sam smiled and leaned in to kiss him, wanting desperately to taste himself on his brother. When he pulled back he had a wide smile on his face, because he was hopeful that things were getting better. Dean was starting to come around. Sure, it was going to be difficult for him and they definitely had things to talk about, but they were getting there.

After Sam left Dean to sleep on the couch, he grabbed a beer and studied up on Jared's wife. So, when she got home he knew her name and a few things about her. They talked for a few minutes, he wanted to know if the apocalypse had hit their universe as well, but it hadn't. Then, she beckoned him to go upstairs with her, to bed. Sam swallowed the lump in his throat. He didn't know what he was going to do, but he knew one thing for sure, this whole situation was getting more complicated by the minute.

The next day, Cliff drove them to pick up their packages that had been overnighted. Cliff was curious about the legitimacy of what they were doing, but kept his mouth mostly closed about the whole thing.

They went back to the set, carrying their box of ingredients and it quickly became apparent that they were going to have to act. Unfortunately, they weren't going to be able to get use of the room until later on, so they decided to just play their roles for the time being. They discovered one more difference between themselves and the actors…they were terrible actors.

After the scene finally wrapped, they were able to get some time with the room. While everyone else was worried about them going over the deep end, they weren't focused on the set. So, Sam and Dean put the spell together and drew the symbol on the wall. When they jumped through the glass they were upset – and a bit pained….literally – to find that nothing happened. They were still stuck in that clown factory.

They went back to Jensen's trailer and tried to brainstorm what to do next.

"Maybe we did it wrong." Sam said as he walked inside.

"No, no that spell was perfect." Dean disagreed, sitting down across from him. "It should've worked."

"What if it can't?"

Dean looked at his brother blankly.

"Look, I was up all night looking online and there's no sign that anything like the apocalypse happened here…ever. And, as far as I can tell, monsters, ghosts, demons…they're all pretend."

"So, nobody's hunting them?" Dean asked.

"No hunters. Look, maybe that's why our spell didn't work, Dean. You know, maybe here there's no supernatural, no magic."

"No demons, no hell?"

Sam shrugged.

"No heaven, no God?"

"Something like. And even better…no angels."

Dean looked contemplative. It was all very strange to him. The first question that popped into his mind when he turned back to look at his brother, however, was "did you sleep with her last night?"

"What?" Sam asked.

"Your wife."

"She's Jared's wife, not mine."

"That's not the point and you know it. Did you sleep with her?"

Sam glared at his brother. He was angry, that was for sure, but instead of answering him, he got to his feet and moved to the door, "quit being an asshole, Dean."

Dean sighed, wondering what the hell that was supposed to mean.

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><p>Things got weirder from then on out. Virgil…the ass-clown who was supposedly out to kill anyone who was in cahoots with Cass – which included the Winchesters by default – jumped through another window and joined their world. The good thing about that was that he was powerless in that realm. They got into a fight with him and he fled, but not without first taking the key that Balthazar had given to them.<p>

Director Bob Singer - still made them groan internally that he would name a character after himself - confronted them about what was going on with them. Dean tried to make the man understand that they were the real Winchesters, but the man just thought they were psychotic. So, they quit and left.

When they got back to Jared's house they found a distraught Genevieve crying because Misha had been stabbed to death. Upon interviewing a homeless man who had been in the alley they discovered that Misha's blood had been used as a means of communicating with Rafael. They also learned of the way they would be able to get back to their universe – through the window that Rafael was going to open to bring Virgil home.

Sam didn't know what it would take to make Dean realize that he didn't want to stay in this universe, even if they didn't have to hunt and he could be a famous actor with a hot wife. This wasn't Sam's life and he didn't want it to be. He loved Dean, no matter how much Dean tried to push him away.

"Well, I'm just saying, no hell below us, above us only sky." Dean said.

"Dean, our friends are back there."

"Yeah, but here you got a pretty good life. I mean, back home the hits have been coming since you were six months old. You gotta admit, being a bazillionaire…married to Ruby…the whole package...it's no contest." These were the things that big brother Dean had always wanted for his Sammy. He never wanted them to fall in love or be cursed with their Winchester blood. Even though he had fought it so hard, he always wanted Sam to get to be normal.

Sam shook his head. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. "No, you know you were right. We just don't mean the same thing here. I mean, we're not even brothers here, man." Among the rest of it. If they stayed they wouldn't get to be together all the time, they wouldn't get to ride around in the Impala and be in love. They would be two actors who never talked who had their own individual lives. And, no matter what either of them had once wanted, they were beyond the point of going their own separate ways.

"Alright then." Dean said. It was actually kind of surprising to him that Sam would choose him over a better life. Maybe he didn't really know his brother as much as he thought he did. "Let's get our crazy show back home."

So that's what they did. After Virgil bought a gun and shot almost everyone who worked on Supernatural, they beat him up and then jumped through the window when Rafael's symbol appeared to take Virgil back. They jumped, leaving Virgil back in the other world where he was powerless. They ran into Rafael and then Cass…the real Cass…and Balthazar explained that they were only a diversion so that Cass could get all the weapons of heaven and claim the power all for himself.

"Fricken angels." Dean said, after Cass disappeared, leaving them pissed off that they had been used as a diversion and then not even let in on the big scoop of what was really going on in heaven.

Sam smacked his hand against one of Bobby's walls. Satisfied, he turned to Dean and said, "Solid. It's real. Nice."

"Yeah." Dean said, "Yeah real, moldy, termite eaten home sweet home. Chalk full of crap that wants to skin ya. Oh, and ah, we're broke again."

"Yeah, but hey, at least we're talkin'."

Dean shook his head in annoyance.

Sam moved to his brother then, "Don't be like that Dean. I know you're upset…"

"Damn right I'm upset, Sam! You…"

"No, I didn't."

"You didn't sleep with her?"

"Of course I didn't." Sam said.

"Then why the whole avoidance thing?"

"Because I was pissed that you would even think I could do that. I know you've got it in your head that I want normal, that I want something better than us. You think you're undeserving or whatever, blah fucking blah, but it's not true. It's all crap and you know it. You know we're right together; we're all each other's ever had. That isn't going to change because some actress who plays Ruby on television walks by showing a little leg…I don't want that, I don't want her… I'm sorry that I chose her once, Dean, but I was a moron then. It's not like that now."

"So, you're going to tell me that a hot chick offered herself to you and you just turned her down flat?"

"I faked a headache."

Dean smiled, "Such a chick thing to do, man."

"Yeah well, maybe I don't mind being a chick for you, Dean."

"I don't get it. Why do you want to bottom so badly, Sam? I mean, nothing beats topping…"

Sam shook his head, "Yeah right. It's different, Dean. Look, I get that you needed to feel me and to have the pain to make it all real…I get that, Dean. I understand that things are different now, you're different. And, that's my fault. I did this to you. And, I can't begin to tell you how sorry I am. But, those things that I said and did…you keep telling me that it wasn't me. I know it was a part of me…the part of me without a soul, without a moral compass…but it was a part of me, I guess. But, I don't feel that way, Dean. I love you, I've always loved you. And, the real me…the me with a soul…would never hurt you or scare you. I would never dominate you like that other jackass did." He moved closer to Dean, pulling him close and using one hand to tilt his face up so that Dean was forced to look into his eyes, "I know what I did, Dean. I know what happened."

Dean groaned.

"I just remembered a couple nights ago. You were having a nightmare and I wanted to comfort you, wanted to tell you that it was all okay now, that you didn't need to be so scared…" He wiped at the offending tears that had begun to slide down his cheeks, "but, something happened when I touched you. It's like it all came flooding back to me. But, it wasn't hell. I mean, sure it kind of felt like hell to me, but it wasn't. It didn't hurt the wall, Dean. I'm still here, I'm fine…"

Dean looked away, embarrassed. "I'm sorry, Sam. I didn't want you to know. I didn't want you to feel guilty about this."

"About hurting you? Of course I should feel guilty about this."

"It wasn't you."

"It was a part of me. It was the soulless part of me."

"But, your soul is what makes you who you are, you know that. It's the real you. It's who you are without your body, without your mind and without the demon blood."

Sam peppered kisses along Dean's jaw line, "Do you still love me, Dean?"

Dean drew in a sharp breath. "You got mad that I asked you if you slept with her and yet you ask me something like that…"

"You keep holding back on me. You were with Lisa like that and now…I don't know. I know you were hurt. I know you need to feel me to believe I'm really there, I get that, but maybe I need that too Dean. Maybe I need you to take care of me sometimes. Maybe I want it to all feel real again. I was gone for a year and a half…in Lucifer's cage…and I come back and everything's changed. I find out all these horrible things about what I've done…and I can't take them back…I can't ever take them back. And, the one thing that I never thought I would ever lose – your love – is the one thing that I seem to be unable to win back. I'm sorry, Dean." He began to break down, "I'm so sorry. I can't tell you how sorry I am for hurting you like that, for taking advantage of you. I'm sorry, but you're right…it wasn't really me. I wasn't there; I couldn't do anything to make it better. And I get that you wanted me to take the pain away by giving you different pain. I get that me being on top had so much significance for you…maybe it was your way of kind of testing me, seeing if it was really me. Maybe every time I refused to hurt you it made you realize that it was really me and it also scared the crap out of you a little bit more. That horrible dominating…rape…that was all you could have of me, the little bit of me that was left…and I get that you clung to it, even though it hurt and was horrible. I know how you feel, Dean. I do. It's just that I'm hurting too…I feel guilty all the time. I feel like the worst person alive. You have no idea what it feels like to walk around with this burden…with this shame…I just need you to take it away, Dean. Please take it away." Sam began to sob, burying his face in Dean's neck.

And Dean felt like an ass. He realized that he had been wrong to hold out on Sam. Sure, he'd had his reasons, but this was his Sammy. This was the baby that he had carried from that fire, the child he had raised, and the man that he had come to get from Stanford. This was the love of his life; his soul mate. The time that Sam was gone was the worst of his life, until he was with Sam but it wasn't really Sam. Until he could see Sam's face and his body...could touch him…but knew that he wasn't being loved; that the man he was seeing wasn't his Sam. That had been excruciating to say the least. But Sam was back, his soul was back in his body, and he didn't deserve to be punished for what he did when it was missing. And, even if the wall crumbled and Dean lost Sam forever, he should still take every opportunity to be with him that he could, right? Wasn't this really what life was all about…the special moments…love? This was the man the person that he would do anything for, the person he had even sold his very own soul for. This was Sam…his Sammy…and he needed him.

"Shhh baby, I've got you. It's going to be okay." He helped Sam up the stairs to the guest bedroom in Bobby's house.

"Where are we going?" Sam asked through his tears.

"We're going somewhere private. Somewhere where I can prove to you that I love you."

"No." Sam muttered. "I don't want you to do this just because I'm crying."

Dean shook his head, "I'm not. I've been a fool, Sam. I've been holding back out of fear and a lack of self-esteem. But, I need this just as much as you do, Sam. I want us to be whole again…I want to fix this. I want to make love to you and fix us both. Is that okay, Sam?"

Sam smiled, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand, "Please, Dean. Please."

"Shhh." Dean said as he quickly pulled his shirt over his head and dropped it to the floor.

Sam reached out to stroke the hard, well defined muscles, riddled with scars; reminders of all the bad shit that they'd seen in their lives.

"We deserve a little happiness." Dean said, finally believing it.

A wide, happy smile spread across Sam's face and it was the most beautiful thing that Dean had ever seen.

Dean bent down to kiss his brother softly, romantically…and then more urgently, more passionately. Hands went into hair, gripping, pulling, and locking. Neither of them ever wanted to let the other go.

Sam's hands found Dean's belt buckle and quickly worked to get that open and his pants unzipped. "Too many clothes." Sam muttered into Dean's mouth.

Dean smiled and helped his brother shed the offending garment. All Dean was left with were his boxer-briefs that clung to his thighs.

Sam grabbed Dean's tight ass in each of his hands and lightly massaged the cheeks. Dean let out a throaty moan and began to strip Sam of his clothing. "Love you Sammy, always loved you." His mouth came to rest on Sam's neck and he sucked and bit…claiming him as his own. "Mine."

"Yours Dean, forever." Sam said, as he pulled Dean's underwear off his body and exposing his hard, reddened erection. It was the stuff of fantasies, as far as Sam was concerned. "You have the most gorgeous cock in the world."

Dean smiled against his brother's mouth. "If that wall ever does come crashing down, you fight it, Sam. I can't lose you again…"

Sam hushed him, "It's okay, Dean. I won't leave you alone; you know I won't leave you."

"I swear I'll put a fucking bullet in my mouth if you do…" Dean sighed, "We're like fucking Romeo and Juliet or something…"

Sam laughed, "Which one of us is Juliet?"

Dean smiled, "Well, Mr. Bottom…that would be you." With that he moved Sam onto his hands and knees, his ass up in the air. Dean's hand came to rest on Sam's partially clothed ass, smacking it lightly a few times for emphasis. "Love your perky ass, Sammy."

Sam reached up and pulled his underwear down past his ass, "Please Dean…I feel like I've been waiting forever."

Dean smiled, placing a finger at the puckered opening. He circled it, teasing a bit, before coating it with saliva and pressing it inside. Sam flinched a little bit; it had been a long time since he had been filled like that. "Hmmm" he moaned as he adjusted to the intrusion, rocking his hips back and forth and driving Dean's finger in farther.

"You like that, Sammy?"

"More." Sam begged huskily.

"Gotta get some lube." Dean said. He rummaged around in his pack until he found the small bottle of 'wet' that he was looking for. Then he went back to Sam, spreading lube onto his hand, he worked that same first finger back in and then slowly added another.

Sam hissed a bit at the intrusion, but honestly loved it.

Dean rubbed comforting circles on Sam's back, trying to soothe and relax him. Once he could get the two fingers inside, he asked, "Do you think you're ready for numero tres?"

"Yeah, do it." Sam begged.

Dean smiled to himself as he placed a few more drops of the lube in his hand and added his third finger. He was surprised when Sam's hole opened up a lot more easily to him. It was clear that Sam was more relaxed and horny as all get out. This sparked Dean to reach around and wrap his hand around the base of Sam's cock, giving his brother long, slow strokes.

"Fuck." Sam whined, not sure whether to thrust forward so that he could fuck at Dean's fist or backwards and force Dean's fingers farther inside himself. It was all too much. His brain had turned to mush, his body strung like a rubber band.

"Shhh." Dean soothed, "just relax and enjoy it."

It was easier said than done as far as Sam was concerned.

Dean spread his fingers out and began to scissor at the opening, getting him nice and stretched. "Feeling okay, Sammy?"

"Ngh….ugh…mmmm." Sam muttered incoherently.

Dean smiled, "Wanna turn you over." He flipped Sam over, slipping his fingers out momentarily. He slid off the underwear that were still wrapped tightly around Sam's thighs and looking like they were cutting off circulation. Once the offending garment was out of the way, Dean spread Sam's thighs, bending his knees up and exposing that beautiful hole once again. He quickly slid his fingers back in, gently at first.

"Please Dean." Sam panted. "God, I want you so bad. Gotta have you inside of me."

Dean chuckled, wrapping his fist around Sam's bright red, throbbing cock once again.

"I'm so close….ngh…"

"Uh uh, Sammy." Dean said, wrapping his hand tightly around the base and staving off his brother's erection. "Can't have you coming already."

Sam groaned. "Asshole."

"That's right, I'm going to claim your asshole in about two seconds."

Sam's brain shut down completely.

Dean's eyebrows shot up in response. Sam was like a drooling mess; incoherent, his head moving side to side and he was pretty sure that actual drool was escaping his mouth. "Okay Sammy, just stay relaxed for me." Dean moved his hands out of the way and gripped his own cock firmly at the base, lining himself up at Sam's entrance.

Neither of them breathed for a second. Sam was pretty sure he couldn't breathe anyway, and Dean was afraid to hurt Sam. He slid in painfully slowly, letting Sam's hole open up for him as he pushed his way in.

The slight burning was blissful for Sam. It was glorious, sweet pain. It was the good kind of pain, rather than the crap that Dean always seemed to want; it was the kind of pain that told you that pleasure would be there momentarily and it would all be worth it.

Once Dean was seated all the way in, his balls against Sam's ass, they both stilled. Dean met Sam's eyes, waiting for the signal that he had completely adjusted and was ready to move.

"Move. Dammit, please move."

Okay, that must've been the sign. Dean began to move, slowly at first. The tight glove of Sam's heat was almost too intense. He didn't remember it feeling this good, but it had been a while so what did he know. "Holy fucking shit, Sammy. You're so tight…so fucking tight."

When Sam's hand wrapped around his own cock, stroking it with a frenzy Dean knew it was time to pick up the pace. He slid in and out, expertly bringing Sam over the edge. Dean bent his head down, needing to kiss Sam, needing him to understand that this was so much more than sex…this was everything. "Love you so much, Sammy. Give you anything you want, never have to beg me for this again. You can have anything….anything…forever."

Sam's eyes widened. He'd heard his brother talk sweetly to him and make promises to him and all, but this was above and beyond anything that he could've ever expected from his brother. Maybe Dean was going to be alright, maybe their relationship was going to be alright again. Hell, maybe it was even better than it had ever been. Maybe now they understood each other better, they really heard each other.

They both came with their mouths locked together and their bodies shaking. Sam's load coated his hand and both of their stomachs, while Dean filled up Sam's ass.

They took their time pulling apart, not wanting to ever separate again. But, neither of them wanted to be soaked in come forever, so they moved and began to clean themselves up. Dean grabbed a towel in order to wipe himself and Sam's hand and stomach off with.

Sam made a face, "I should go take a shower, get this come out of my ass…you wanna join me?"

Dean smiled, "You know I would, but I have a better idea. He pushed Sam back down on the bed, on his stomach and got down on his knees in front of the bed.

Sam didn't know what was happening until that intensely blissful moment when Dean's tongue slid up and down the slit between his ass cheeks. "Holy hell! Yeah Dean, so dirty!" Sam began to breath hot and heavy, feeling his cock harden once again. "You keep doing that and I'm going to come again."

Of course that did nothing to stop Dean. He pressed on, teasing his soft tongue around the stretched opening and pressing in lightly.

Sam was fully hard again and trying to hump the bed by this point. "Hottest fucking thing ever, Dean. Feels amazing." That seemed to do more than turn Sam on too, for some reason he began to tear up a little bit. The licking of the asshole was just about the most intimate thing they could do to each other…it was something that Dean had never once done to him in his life…and it told Sam everything that Dean's words could never tell him, though he'd been saying a lot of wonderful things.

Dean thinned out his tongue and thrust it in as far as he could go, tongue fucking Sam's ass, while he reached up to grab at his cock. A few long tugs later and Sam was moaning and writhing on the bed, shooting his load into the bed sheets.

"Fuck!" Sam exclaimed, "You're a dirty, kinky bastard and I love you!"

Dean laughed, "I love you too, Sammy."

Sam had just about enough energy to roll over onto his back so that Dean could clean him up again and then he passed out, sideways on the bed, with his feet hanging off.

Dean laughed and just lay down beside him, holding him close. If there was ever a snuggling moment…it was then.

* * *

><p>They moved on to the next case, next town, with smiles on their faces, knowing that they were indestructible.<p>

Dean leaned over and turned on the radio. An even wider smile formed on his face when he realized what song was playing. It was Chicago's "Will You Still Love Me?" It wasn't Dean's usual style, but he honestly couldn't care less. He simply turned up the radio, flashed Sam a happy smile and proceeded to sing along.

_Take me as I am. Put your hand in mine, now and forever. Darling here I stand, stand before you now, deep inside I always knew. It was you, you and me, two hearts drawn together bound by destiny.  
>It was you and you for me; every road leads to your door, every step I take forever more.<em>

Just say you'll love me for the rest of your life; I gotta lot of love and I don't want to let go.  
>Will you still love me for the rest of my life? 'Cause I can't go on, no I can't go on;<br>I can't go on if I'm on my own.

_Take me as I am. Put your heart in mine, stay with me forever. 'Cause I am just a man who never understood, I never had a thing to prove till there was you, you and me. Then it all came clear so suddenly; how close to you that I wanna be. _

_Do you believe a love could run so strong? Do you believe a love could pass you by? There was no special one for me. I was the lonely one, you see. But then my heart lost all control, now you're all that I know…_

Sam raised his eyebrow, "Dean, have you completely lost it?"

"What? It's a good song! It should be our song, Sammy." Dean reached over and placed his hand on Sam's thigh, gently rubbing it.

Sam rolled his eyes, secretly enjoying every second of this thoroughly, "You're such a dork."

Dean plastered on that cocky smile that he was so good at, "But you love me anyway."

They shared a special smile as the end of the last chorus faded away in the background.


End file.
